Two years ago, perhaps the greatest day in human history occurred. Few people are aware of the events of October 21st, 2014 but for those that are, it is a date that will never be forgotten.
On that cold blustery day in Minneapolis, Minnesota. I walked up to the Spirit Airlines kiosk at MSP and asked for a one way ticket to Baltimore. I emerged from the airport with a ticket in hand and a receipt that read "Base Fare: $0.01" The cleaning staff was immediately dispatched for a cleanup in Terminal 2 as my mind had blown with so much force that it had flown across the entirety of the building.
On that cold blustery day in Minneapolis, Minnesota. I walked up to the Spirit Airlines kiosk at MSP and asked for a one way ticket to Baltimore. I emerged from the airport with a ticket in hand and a receipt that read "Base Fare: $0.01" The cleaning staff was immediately dispatched for a cleanup in Terminal 2 as my mind had blown with so much force that it had flown across the entirety of the building.
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Up until very recently, such an inexpensive airfare in the United States would have been virtually impossible. Costs to start and then operate an airline are excessively large and the assumption was that no carrier would ever offer something like a one penny fare. Instead, most airlines offered free snacks, reclining seats, and soda to justify high prices.
But the massive success of budget carriers in Europe like RyanAir led to multiple U.S airlines who were desperate for cash to try out the idea. It is here dear reader, that airlines have (for the first time in history!), enabled millions of broke Americans such as yourself to travel all over the United States for as low a price as $16.01 (unfortunately, the FAA forces each ticket to come with 16 dollars worth of fees).
But the massive success of budget carriers in Europe like RyanAir led to multiple U.S airlines who were desperate for cash to try out the idea. It is here dear reader, that airlines have (for the first time in history!), enabled millions of broke Americans such as yourself to travel all over the United States for as low a price as $16.01 (unfortunately, the FAA forces each ticket to come with 16 dollars worth of fees).
You are now probably wondering what the catch is. Well here is the thing, there is none, that's right, these budget airlines are exactly identical if not superior to the Delta's and United's of the world!
Ok yeah, that was a total lie. There is a reason these airlines are cheaper but of course they ultimately get you from Point A to Point B and for a lot of people that is what really matters.
Ok yeah, that was a total lie. There is a reason these airlines are cheaper but of course they ultimately get you from Point A to Point B and for a lot of people that is what really matters.
To examine some of the drawbacks to flying on the cheap, I am going show you the process of flying on the United States largest budget carrier: Spirit Airlines. The CEO takes great pride in the stinginess of his company and proclaims Spirit to be "the Dollar General of the skies."
To put it mildly, that is a massive understatement.
To put it mildly, that is a massive understatement.
First off, that ticket I bought, you noticed how I bought it at the airport? Up until very recently, Spirit actually put on a 18 dollar fee for those who bought tickets online in order to help pay back the costs of their website. I actually tried to complain about this by calling up customer support. but you see, Spirit chooses to have a pay by minute customer support so they didn't have to buy a 1-800 number. Just to speak to a representative at Spirit, I would have to pay roughly 50 cents a minute. I'm pretty sure it is cheaper to call a phone sex line.
This is basically the only thing one can post after talking about phone sex. It's like putting a u after a Q. Indisputably, this video represents the creative peak of American pop culture.
After one has purchased the base fare, the add-on fees begin. You thought water was free right? Think again, on Spirit it's three bucks. Want to choose your seat so your family can sit together? That will be somewhere between 10 to 20 dollars per seat. Want to bring on some carry-on that exceeds 16 inches by 14 inches by 12 inches, you are free to do so...for the price of 35 dollars. Want a seat that reclines? That ranges from 20-75 dollars extra.
In total, there are roughly 70 fees that Spirit tries to add-on for any given ticket. The only reason they don't charge for the bathroom is that Congress passed a law explicitly prohibiting it.
But my personal favorite cost saving measures that Spirit undertakes is at their own headquarters. Instead of having a secretary, guests simply arrive in a dimly lit room with a phone on a desk where they can call who they need to speak to. The lobby actually used to have eight chairs or so but they decided they realistically only needed two). The company has also chosen to remove one third of the lights in their space because they thought it was costing them to much, and the CEO takes out his own trash and vacuums his office. He claims that by enacting all this stinginess, he saves customers roughly 1/3 of a penny per flight.
In total, there are roughly 70 fees that Spirit tries to add-on for any given ticket. The only reason they don't charge for the bathroom is that Congress passed a law explicitly prohibiting it.
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| RyanAir, the first budget airline that mattered in the world, went even further than bathroom charging. The CEO pictured here actually had plans to bring standing room to flights. Unfortunately for him, the European Union did not allow him to get his way so instead he has chosen to turn his model planes into extensions of his genitalia. |
But my personal favorite cost saving measures that Spirit undertakes is at their own headquarters. Instead of having a secretary, guests simply arrive in a dimly lit room with a phone on a desk where they can call who they need to speak to. The lobby actually used to have eight chairs or so but they decided they realistically only needed two). The company has also chosen to remove one third of the lights in their space because they thought it was costing them to much, and the CEO takes out his own trash and vacuums his office. He claims that by enacting all this stinginess, he saves customers roughly 1/3 of a penny per flight.
Now for many members of the bourgeois who are not as broke as you, this attitude towards cost cutting is so horrifying that in shock, they will spit out their Pinkberry froyo and therefore mess up their J. Crew sweater. Flying sucks enough as it is. And the idea that you can easily rack up another 150 dollars after you have bought your ticket sounds too crazy to consider.
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| "My goodness! How ghastly! I hath spilled thy froyo thee on thy outfit! My afternoon tea this thy hour shall be most unpleasant." |
But the thing is, you were always paying the fees for these things. It just was built into the initial ticket price. You think that reclining seat was free? Such amenities drastically limits the number of seats airlines can sell and you get charged for that lost profit as you lean back, sip your "free" Coca-Cola, and bother the cranky old guy behind you.
Not to mention, you can do all those things I just mentioned on Spirit, you just will end up paying for the privilege. And I mean you're broke, who really needs such silly luxuries in the first place? You know what's a luxury? LITERALLY FLYING IN THE SKY AT HUNDREDS OF MILES AN HOUR.
Nowadays there have emerged two competitors to Spirit that could be even better for you depending on where you live in the United States. Frontier Airlines has super cheap flights to Denver which is a great destination (as long as upon arriving, you immediately start driving to Boulder because Denver blows). And Allegiant Air is best for those who live in Hawaii, the south, or on the west coast.
In terms of finding the mythical 1 cent airfare, unfortunately, Spirit has eliminated them this year but might possibly bring them back. In their place, they have 36 dollar flights with all government fees included. You will do best at snagging these if a) have no particular destination in mind and b) you couldn't care less about flying on Thursday at 5 am to go to said mystery destination.
Nonetheless, there are actually a great deal of destinations that this works for and I have attached all the budget airlines deal list below. Frontier does similar deals for 50 dollar flights at least once a week as does Allegiance Air. Between all of those, you will most certainly find something worth traveling to and considering you are unemployed, also don't mind flying out on random days. Plus, most cardboard boxes will fold up to meet Spirit's carryon requirement! You now don't even have to pay for housing when you get to your destination!
Most people are nostalgic for the old days of flying, back when you were given four course dinners mid flight and were provided with the finest in customer care from flight attendants who were clearly hired based on bra size. I for one, do not dream of days past. I do my medication shopping at the Dollar Tree, and I'm also perfectly happy to ride Dollar General style in the skies. If you feel the same, sit back, relax, and enjoy your flight to savings.
On second thought...don't try to sit back, it will cost you.
Links to the deal pages of all budget carriers. Keep in mind these deals change on a day to day basis!
Spirit Airlines: http://marketing.spirit.com/traveldeals/air.php?s=2622
Frontier Airlines: https://www.flyfrontier.com/ways-to-save/online-deals/
Allegiant Air: http://pages.allegiantdeals.com/page.aspx?QS=c76003443ff9837d55fbc90c6213f1190c31f874df7a35f304cc6c1eae9c7273&EmailID=657382&HomeAirportCode=000&activeTab=air
In terms of finding the mythical 1 cent airfare, unfortunately, Spirit has eliminated them this year but might possibly bring them back. In their place, they have 36 dollar flights with all government fees included. You will do best at snagging these if a) have no particular destination in mind and b) you couldn't care less about flying on Thursday at 5 am to go to said mystery destination.
Nonetheless, there are actually a great deal of destinations that this works for and I have attached all the budget airlines deal list below. Frontier does similar deals for 50 dollar flights at least once a week as does Allegiance Air. Between all of those, you will most certainly find something worth traveling to and considering you are unemployed, also don't mind flying out on random days. Plus, most cardboard boxes will fold up to meet Spirit's carryon requirement! You now don't even have to pay for housing when you get to your destination!
Most people are nostalgic for the old days of flying, back when you were given four course dinners mid flight and were provided with the finest in customer care from flight attendants who were clearly hired based on bra size. I for one, do not dream of days past. I do my medication shopping at the Dollar Tree, and I'm also perfectly happy to ride Dollar General style in the skies. If you feel the same, sit back, relax, and enjoy your flight to savings.
On second thought...don't try to sit back, it will cost you.
Links to the deal pages of all budget carriers. Keep in mind these deals change on a day to day basis!
Spirit Airlines: http://marketing.spirit.com/traveldeals/air.php?s=2622
Frontier Airlines: https://www.flyfrontier.com/ways-to-save/online-deals/
Allegiant Air: http://pages.allegiantdeals.com/page.aspx?QS=c76003443ff9837d55fbc90c6213f1190c31f874df7a35f304cc6c1eae9c7273&EmailID=657382&HomeAirportCode=000&activeTab=air
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